Running...

As she inhales deep breathes, she exhales the stress,

Hoping that her misfortunes with wasted time lead to happiness,

Confused with love and not wanting to be alone,

She's trapped between her thoughts and messages from her phone,

Seeking guidance she talks to a friend or two,

Advice is heard but there's nothing they can do,

Family pitches in but she doesn't know where to start,

She just wants to be free without the broken heart,

From a situation that wasn't supposed to happen,

One moment it was pure love, then trust made its reaction,

Her past seems to always be a factor in his mind,

But he didn't seem to notice or care that she began to lose her shine,

Because of him, seeking his approval she began to change her ways,

Her happiness wasn't real and went on for many days,

Weeks, and months, it was a sad thing to see,

For her changes to make him happy made him mad easily,

Overlooking how she did everything around his wishes,

Took on the disrespect and repeated calls of Bitches,

He began to only look at her through the memories of her past,

So of course she realized they wouldn't last,

And in turn she ran away,

Without looking back she took off without a trace,

She took off to fast to let him know the results of his hate,

She took off to fast to let him know her actual fate,

Gone in the wind, she's running,

Quick like lightening but the opposite sound of the thundering,

For ever raining through her eyes, Mary Kay leaves tracks,

Her body is still changing I guess its time to trace back,

To what was going on, and what was untold,

Inside she was dying, leaving no time to get old,

Stress sped up the process, lost love messed up her rest,

Trying to find a cure too late took away her best,

Until finally, she ran in the right direction,

She met someone new and worth the selection,

Someone worth her attention and time spending

Her faith had returned and led on a fairy tale ending,

For now she began to glow and shine,

He existed in flesh and lived in her mind,

She began to get better, sunny days took over her weather,

Forecast, now her smile breeds pleasure,

So happy for my friend her running has finally came to an end,

I hope he stays true to her and doesn't pretend,

For if someone has her running again, I will have to go,

No longer will she run alone I will have to follow...

The Letter

Dear Who It May Concern,

I’m trapped in this 186lb cage,

My mind wants to be free but is overcome with rage,

Temptation gets me almost every time,

I can only be factored by myself and One so I must be prime,

Too deep of a notion to be caught up on my emotions,

But nonetheless I want greater devotions,

So I have “Greater Intentions”,

But I’m doomed by the “Fear of Falling In Love”,

And confused because it’s pure like the white on a dove,

Attracted by “Suicide Girls” but I don’t see it,

Until we grow closer then I don’t want to believe it,

I feel so “Empty”,

That those who want to befriend me don’t call my phone,

Because like myself they “Fear the Unknown”

Sometimes when I wake up I just wish to see “A Winter Wonderland”

But the “Pain In My Life”, destroys its existence, so I don’t give a damn,

Then I’m recollected,

Because “Thoughts When She Crosses My Mind” remind me,

That when I look into her eyes I know “Where I Wanna Be”

I’m no longer “Trying to Understand”,

I just reach out for her hand,

Hoping I can run away with my feelings,

But as a man that shouldn’t be appealing,

So I “Break Down”, because I know my “Mission: Happiness”,

I look for nothing more or nothing less,

I’m over being “Love Sick” so I’m back to my regular tone,

And I speak to the world with “My Rosetta Stone”,

If you haven’t picked up on it yet,

Everything quoted is no ordinary text,

It’s a title of a poem I wrote,

That you may have read at least I hope,

So of course I had to go through a “Self Destruction,

No longer am I “A Mystery In Disguise”, or only about seduction,

For I too want to experience a dream come true,

Not only with falling in love, but “Polishing a Memory” too!

Sincerely,

Mr. Williams

If My Future Had A Child...

One thing that I want to avoid but it may be inevitable in the future... and that's being a father!

Wow, who would've guessed I would have a child on the way,

After all the times of rejection, now one's here to stay,

If have a daughter,There's so much she will need,

I need her to become all she can be from my seed,

Will I become over protective,

With her friends I'll be too selective,

Watch every boy who offers her a toy,

And question her sadness and her joy,

Step back when she needs it, step up when she wants,

Show her the kind of man she deserves, and never try to front,

When she grows up, I hope she gets respect,

May all guys treat her descent and not select,

Can she live all her years without rape,

Go on a descent date,

Grow up without hate,

May God give her a man who will do her right,

Show her he can fight,

For her love,

Show her she's worth being around,

Give her the everything I can't now,

May God guide her on the right path,

With the equations of life educate her math,

Keep her high off life, keep drugs out her sight,

Her ambition isn't to survive but get to the light,

For I know if she has that drive she will be alright,

Well hopefully, but if not I'm willing to fight,

Unless I have a son...

Well I will still fight but some battles I have stand aside,

I just pray he doesn't have issues overcoming his pride,

I hope I can be around to help raise him I know the time he's worth,

No baby momma drama so me and his mom will marry before his birth,

May things work out for the best,

Even if we split I will spend time with him before I rest,

Dedicate my life to helping his, no need for the distance,

Be a better father than mine, for instance,

If I'm close enough to wipe the tears from his face,

No man will STEP in to take my place,

He's my son so I will teach him what's wrong and what's right,

I'll stand in his corner for every type of fight,

Never turn my back on him, and catch him when he falls,

Look up to my son whether he's short or he's tall,

Because I know with my teachings he will be a better man than me,

And I'll say it proudly so even MY PRIDE can clearly see!

Polishing A Memory

I tend to find myself lost in my own thoughts,

Drowning my mind and recreating an old sought,

Of reconstruction, to become comfortable in time,

Polishing a memory and being engulfed by it's shine,

I no longer try to fight the inevitable, nor do I accept it,

I just try justify it's actions when I get the unexpected,

For the the invited moments I embrace them,

So later in time its not hard to trace them,

I think that its too easy to move along if the prior is erased,

We get stronger and stronger as we look the prior in the face,

Laugh and smile and maybe shed a tear,

But there's nothing wrong with keeping it near,

For when its time to move on the next experience it means so much more,

That the idea of it creates an anticipation of what's in store,

Over and over this phase can happen,

Making your desire stronger for grasping,

The true key to your heart, if its not from the start,

Enlisting new instructions and limits to make their mark,

On the next investment of time,

Sacrificing your heart to get a matching pair like two words that rhyme,

But every now and then some memories you have to relive them,

Intentionally you don't forget but you must forgive them,

For an old memory can shine so great compared to the new,

That you want to do the impossible to see if its true,

For you, since its owed to oneself,

To take down that book of memories off of the shelf,

Or in your head, or underneath your bed,

Because you don't know what the future holds and you'll never be prepared.

Self Destruction

Chaotic thoughts, explosions, loud booms,
All this in a quiet room,
The journey of a boy to a man,
Got Damn I need help but know one can lend a hand,
In the still of night I lay alone,
Even if she's by my side and we're in her home,
I'm still rolling solo on my journey,
Praying that there isn't thoughts to burn me,
In the after life...
I've began the process of breaking down,
Explosions and chaos but I'm still in a room where there's no sound,
Traumatic brain injury so there's no saving me,
But God has me, so he has faith me,
Confused from my failures so I write the realest written letter,
To myself since the world wouldn't notice my better,
Well best times, they just criticize my worst,
Laugh at my book of rhymes, and cry next to my Hurst,
Bury my body but remember my image,
This is the beginning of the end so let's start the scrimmage,
Still breaking down with the chaos and no sound,
No tears, one fear, I look up then look around,
He's still watching me and no one else is here,
I'm always alone even when so called friends are near,
Hopefully when I get through the destruction of my temple I'm recreated into something well respected,
An angel in disguise of something unexpected,
So as I write my signature to this letter to myself, I'll leave one drop of blood on the page,
To remind myself of something else from the heart, when I finished acting out in rage...

She Gives Me Power

Conquering all, but I feel so small,

But when she flows through my system I feel so tall,

Not physically, but mentally,

Spiritual strength, guess its meant for me,

She gave me power...

I can't control her, but I get hotter,

So I cool off with understanding but I can't stop her,

So powerful so it can't be the strength of a man,

And she got me looking right like she pitched from the left stands,

Her touch has me tense,

Relaxed and convinced,

She's so sweet like Mary Jane,

Given a double meaning I can't complain,

Got me high off her aroma,

Hungry enough to want to roam her,

With my tongue, well my mouth to feed my mind,

Non-sexually but I hope she comes on time,

When I'm feeling down she comes around,

Not too close but I hear her sound,

When I'm happy I feel her in my veins,

Like a drug she proclaims,

My actions and satisfactions, until I am rapping,

And tapping up a rhyme scheme and an audience is clapping...

I have to take a deep breathe,

Who or what am I chasing,

Who or what has my mind racing,

I remember now,

I can only describe the sound,

I can only describe the scenery around,

Because it hasn't happened yet, at least I hope,

My dreams I mean, but if not I will need the strength to cope...

I Wasn't Invited Yet (Hard Ball)

Wow... I'm sweating her and she hasn't even invited me to play,

Got me watching competition and coming short on things to say,

I just walked in the gym where she has her own team,

She's out of my league and my fascination isn't matching my dream,

My dreams seem impossible the way her defense plays the game,

My two's fall over the rim and my three's do the same,

The only shots I've made around her were free throws,

Well foul shots I hope she doesn't think I'm weak though,

Hopefully I won't miss her next try out, and its over in my house,

I need the home court advantage, taking shots to become her spouse,

Well that's the grand scheme like the Nba playoffs,

Marriage would be the championship but that means no days off,

So many games until then so I have to take it slow,

Damn I'm crushing hard so it must be clear and shows,

Now I have to play it cool, don't be taken for a fool,

Play pro ball unlike the games played in high school,

Wow... She got me sweating and I wasn't even invited to play,

Hooping shorts, jordans and t-shirt are on maybe I can be invited sometime today.

The Beauty Beside Me

Introduced to study myself,

Psychological lesson not pertained to wealth,

Keeping my mind enslaved to capture the beauty,

Outside of my mind, because I thought that I knew me,

Then it hit me,

Someone else will give me,

Happiness if I worked for it, no way would it skip me,

Pure, untamed, prenamed with no shame,

So close, but so far, I'm lost in her game,

With I girl I haven't met, or fully met, and only time will tell,

Hopefully she's already known, so things can go well,

Because she'll be too intelligent to be played,

Not caught up on my waves,

And her beauty will be unconditional so it cannot be weighed,

So it flows inside and out, without a doubt,

I hear it shout, on silent I still feel her clout,

But if she's not known, I wonder where we'd meet,

Will she trip and fall into my arms, will we smile when we greet,

Each other, or will I be too caught up on another,

That she won't bother, just give me the side eye under cover,

Well from a distance, with persistence, with no delivery,

Sacrificing her feelings for someone else but waiting for only me,

Hopefully I won't be too blind, to see her actions,

And my heart is open and willing to fulfill her satisfactions,

Hopefully I can open my mind to think the things she enjoys,

I'll work for her love if her heart has me employed,

Pain and pleasure will only create the heights,

While our lows will seem out of sight,

I think that maybe I'm too into things that seem unknown,

But I'm still waiting for the calling of love and I'm still watching my phone....

Dear Woman...

Dear woman,
You're filled with so much compassion,
A little attention is all you're asking,
Beautiful inside and beauty you reflect,
So why couldn't HE give you respect,

I'm in love with more than one,
Well I have love love for all of them,
Looking for my type,
But I want to do all of them right,

Too many to entertain for the night,
I guess I have to flee out of sight,
I can't just keep telling jokes,
You fear of needing to cope,

From being hurt by the wrong guy,

Or the right guy,

So your in defense from the first hi,
I break your guard by being myself,
Trying to be your friend and nothing else,

You're willing to give in but I don't no where it will lead,
Too honest just to leave,
I want what you have to offer but I would be like HE,
Well him, or all the others before me,

Or all the girls with offers, I will be blinded by their glory,

But seeing without the lights,
Meaning just sex night after night,
I'm not afraid to be honest, I guess that's where I stand apart,
I can be your friend and your man, and gain your trust from the start,

Well I wish I could,

See I'm not just that guy from the hood,
And in your eyes I must be too good,
Or too bad, well something you never had,
Open with both arms but still in defense from your past,

I'm playing offense all alone, but guarded by your home,
Friends, and the company you keep, so I'm left to often roam,
Then I'm misjudged because I won't sit still,
Gambling love in poker but the black jack man has to deal,

So I'm not even in the right game,
I know her face but I won't say her name,
So ashamed of a crime I didn't do,
I want to cry but I won't subdue,
To the challenges of chances to be so true,

To you and for you, I'm just a man and here I stand,
With all my pride I will show you a true man,
Woman... I understand everything you hate,
I just seek guidance to your heart and mind ,

But until then all I can do is wait....

Saved By The Cool

Mixing and matching different styles,

Following trends for the smiles,

Trying to catch the attention of one,

But I didn't know it had begun

I was riding the wave,

In my hair, but I turned the page,

To the chapter of my life when I seem center-stage,

Surrounded by many, only knowing a few,

Catching the overflow of friends from my silent days of two,

My style matured rapidly although my body was still young,

Writing style graduated, although my youngest days went unsung,

No celebrity,

Popularity seemed to have grabbed me,

But denial was there so... you can say that it had me,

I guess this seems like a confession,

Although it is...

It's more so a lesson,

More as a blessing in desiguise,

Like the writing poet but it came from failed tries,

Trials, attempts, and so close to giving in,

Many times I felt I couldn't win,

I wanted to run away,

Stressed so much I thought I'd see gray,

I gave up on the wedding bells for the month of May,

Too many haters for her beauty to try to stay,

An accepted outcast,

I thought I wouldn't last,

But I'm still around and I've learned from my past,

The present is teaching me,

While the future dreams of reaching me,

Bad ways are forever seeking me,

But I won't give in easily,

I'll just keep faith,

When cold I won't shake,

I'll use my anger to warm me up,

Trace my rage to storm me up,

Battle my obstacles until I form and erupt,

But I'll do it silently,

Hoping success will confide to me,

End the struggle by breaking the chain,

Thanks Dr. Akbar, I will open my brain,

And those around me so we will all proclaim,

The glory we look for and want to maintain,

I've done it,

I've gone inside myself and found the solution,

To the problem of myself... let me start my distribution!

Suicide Girls

Innocent ways, but confused from previous lies,

Upset that he's honest and not tired from tries,

Wanting a little more but too afraid to ask,

In need of more attention but she thinks he'll pass,

He's aware of her fear but, he won't approach it,

Anger and rage are quick to come out so he won't provoke it,

Still looking at him from a distance but wanting him near,

Not knowing his reactions so she just names her tears,

Friends ask her about him and she gives them one of two stories,

Either "I love him too much" or "I think he ignores me"

But she doesn't take the time to question his thoughts,

She just judges his facial expressions and assumes his sought,

of non-interest,

But she feels like a mistress,

To a single man, who she thinks women praise him like a Jehovah witness,

Her head fills with nonsense and she begins to vent,

Letting her imagination take over, she's no longer content,

No longer does she see him as someone she likes,

He becomes something she needs and loves, so she's willing to fight,

Herself or anyone else who stands in her way,

She begins to hate herself and doesn't eat for a day,

Then two days go by and all she can do is cry,

But she does so much that her eyes are forever dry,

Time passes, she becomes ill, but he's her boo,

Well at least in her mind but at the time he's with someone new,

Still going days without consuming food and her friend becomes the moon,

She feels hate towards the rising and falling of the sun that she sees too soon,

More time passes and that guy she was in love with gets married,

She wanted to attend the wedding but was already buried,

Because the night before the wedding her anger and rage came out to stay,

For her love was too strong for her and took away her day,

Well life,

So no longer does she urge to fight,

But she now watches him from out of sight,

So far away from him now, and he she went a way alone,

Only thing that's left from her is her remains in front of a stone....

To Say Goodbye

Yesterday I went to a funeral and it was supposed to be when I said my last goodbye, but I didn't. I just couldn't speak the compound word or even break it down into two words to say it separately. I looked at the casket and I just frowned. My eyes began to gloss but I didn't shed a tear. I felt like everyone could see my thoughts written on my face. I just sat down, starring from a distance. Surrounded by my high school family but I had some resistance. Then the preachers words spoke those that came directly from mind. Exactly as i thought them. "IT'S NOT FAIR" and repeated three times just like in my head. The preacher's words spoke to me directly and i drew thoughts on every sentence and statement. Then he asked the question; "If you were to die today would your funeral be packed?" Feeling sure of myself I thought of course, but when I looked around to see how packed it was for the funeral I was in and thought about all the people who knew of the funeral and didn't attend I thought maybe not. Who would take off from work or school or their daily life to attend my services? Who would take the time to say there final farewells to me before i returned to the Earth? Many of my friends would think that there will be a lot of people there but in this society people tend to choose money over everything. I feel as though respect has no price to it at all. I took the day off because no money in the world could bring anyone back once they're decease. But maybe I'm looking at they're situation from the wrong view. Maybe they needed the money and they paid their respects in a different way. I guess I shouldn't be too quick to judge.

Honestly the reason I began writing this blog was because of the question the preacher asked, which really had me thinking. I began re-evaluating the things I've done in my life. Many things I were good but there were a few bad. So with that being said I just try to live my life for the better instead of the bad. I do things now not so people can thank me but just for the joy of knowing that I can do something positive with my life... to be continued

First Non-Poetic Blog

See I'm not really a blogger I'm just a writer. I write poetry and a few raps but sometimes I still have leftover thoughts for the songs or poems even after they're done. So i guess I'm about to began writing regular blogs about my life that just seem hard to put into a finished song or poem. Some of these new blogs they may come may even motivate me into writing some new poetry. I guess this little experience in writing regular blogs will help me release more thoughts of mine. If you read my poems or blogs just comment on them even if you're saying you hate them. As a writer I like to hear the criticism to keep me going and it may help me better myself as a writer.

Thoughts When She Crosses My Mind

I feel so shook up when it comes to saying words with meanings who,
Abbreviate my feelings and thoughts pertaining you,
Like a beautiful chaos, my mind is circadian to,
Gasconade my heart into staying true,

If love was a pool I'd drown in it like when I was 13,
Then revive myself and take another dive in it til I'm on a swim team,
Master its challenges until I balance it,
Just for your love, I'd gamble and chance with it,

I'd make time for it to unwind then recoil,
Until your love is a chatelaine for my love, and it spoils,
Me, to abdicate, my chauvinistic ways,
Or be punished by macerate until my last days,

Thank God for this auspicious woman, and asperity she won't see,
I'll embrace her like a banner, and her hearts the topic of vexillology,
Explore her love like geology, study her mind like psychology,
Become friends with her ways and pleasures like she's sociology,

Then I told her if she's looking for the qualities of most guys then you can turn around now,
I make decisions for the heart, so your smile won't look down,
I think outside of myself, so my actions can speak louder,
Than any gold or money, and last more than an hour,

Weekend lover, more like 24/7,
I'm the mirror image of love like Nevaeh is to heaven,
But I give the same meaning just with a different name,
No need to buy your love, I'm all real no need for the games,

Eternities blessings are giving me a lesson,
In love and maturity, but it's keeping me guessing,
Since love is blind, and it goes in all directions,
Who's gonna deliver to me this love I seek and where's the selections?

The Fear of Falling in Love

I was looking for it and now it found me,
The complication of love surrounds me,
Keeping me as its slave there’s chains around me,
No longer the king of love so you can’t even crown me,
Trick with her beauty I was trapped in helpless ways,
Looking at the future of love and miscounting the days,
I was racing for the end when I didn’t even begin,
Searching desperately to lose when I was hoping to win,
I tried to write my own destiny I thought I knew what was best for me,
But I come to realize that life is just a test for me,
Maybe not just me, maybe it’s for you and I,
Through my struggles with my pride, now I can’t even cry,
Love wasn’t supposed to be in my vocabulary, but it’s necessary,
Hoping it will come soon, I’ll hold on like it’s legendary,
Waiting patiently to see if you was right for me,
I open up my eyes when I’m dreaming so maybe I can see.

But I'm feeling forgotten about, yet again,
Consumed in a battle that’s a war that I can’t win,
I don’t know why I waste my time trying to be her friend,
Common sense tells me feelings shouldn’t be mixed in
So I guess everyone must deserve a chance,
But I can’t invite myself to a Sadie Hawkins dance,
I’m tired of trying to incorporate you in my future plans,
When I’m not even one of the options of becoming your man,
I can try to persuade you but that will waste time,
Just like the many lines I used just to write this rhyme,
I thought that you were worth it with the way you made me shine,
So I tried to do something bigger than sacrifice a line,
But I guess all my notions were hopeless,
I can say I love but I’m sure that you know this,
I’m sure that you can read between the lines, of how I feel inside
Got me battling myself and my pride

They say time waits for no man, so there’s no more time or me to plan,
I’m past liking you real hard, girl I’m trying to be your man,
I don’t know how much time is left, so girl Imma let you know,
Since the first day I met I was scared to let it show,
But I would pour my feelings into a glass and hope that u would drink it,
With no hesitation my love is strong no need to over think it,
So with my honesty, to you from me, I’m done with complications,
And I’m ready for your love and I’ll thank you for your patients,
I’ll take it there like our love on the stairs, and feed you with time,
Massage your tense body and relax your mind,
Any of your issues I’ll take on as if they were mine,
Because I’m against anything that makes your smile not shine,
Bring your fantasies to reality so you can clearly see,
How my love transfers from my heart to you from me,
But in my preparations of getting you a ring,
I seem to find myself wondering if this is a forever thing,
So now I’m stuck feeling hopeless and love sick,
And wondering will it really have to end like this,
Being afraid to fall in love because I’m scared to let it show,
Or if we have to end, enduring the pain from letting you go,
Maybe this is just a love/hate story meant for me,
On my verge to maturity, only time will help me see,
That my quest for love isn’t a mission from my brain,
It’s a releasing, of what my heart is repeatedly saying,
That love is for me and I guess I shouldn’t trip,
Slow down my emotions but don’t forget,
Tme is of the essence, so no need to pretend,
So I hope that I'm ready when it begins...