Venting

Here I am, the sad kid hiding behind a smile,

Listening to a world full of dreams and things that seem worth wild,

So many happy stories and yet my words still cry,

Sometimes tears of joy but mostly tears of pain.. sigh

I display mixed feelings hoping it equals out,

So I'm not asked too many questions because I can't stand when friends pout,

I'm placed in a world where everyone around me complains about quantity and quality,

When those things aren't as important, well at least not to me,

I can't even talk to people who claim to be my friends or those around me,

Most of them put up with me for the moment and when its over they don't astound me,

Nor surprise me just prove me right,

My time is up for their presence so of course they're out of sight,

Most of them put up with me because they want what little I have,

Yet they don't know I see this and in the back I am stabbed,

The others just like the laugh they can get,

The smiles and stories that up lift,

It's crazy because the fate of this came to me in a dream,

So in reality I wrote down the things that may seem,

To make this nightmare true, in my face I see the clues,

So here I am writing a poem as if it were the blues,

Some people may feel offended, so I know what will happen next,

They'll leave a comment, or try to send a text,

I will get new messages and If I log onto the chat,

They will be waiting to explain, to bad I can predict that,

Don't get me started on some of my family,

Half of them never speak and can't stand me,

I graduated valedictorian from high school and got a pat on the back,

While cousins got parties for coming home for jail, but I never did that,

I've never been convicted yet I'm frowned upon,

First of generations to make it to college but life goes on,

So many smiles in my face but behind me there's hate,

Here come the apologies and excuses but I'm afraid its too late,

Come to think about it I have a reason to be mad,

One of the people to give me life missed out on it, yup my dad,

Slept through my high school graduation, well most of my life,

So I hold my pride on my shoulder so I can keep things in sight,

I bet he doesn't know I remember the only four times I've asked for something,

Its all in the open by the way child support did nothing,

I can say you did teach me how to be a good dad,

I just took a mental note on the things you didn't do, and memories we never had,

But I'm content with the way things are,

I laugh a lot more every time I speak of the scar,

The scar of not having certain people around,

The times I had to pick myself up when my mind has hit the ground,

I guess Joan missing in my life is kind of getting to me,

So thankful God is keeping Tonya in me life and she's sitting with me,

Veronica has my back like a second mother,

So her tat will go on my back to show I love her,

Friends may be deleted, some may stay to be nosey,

Family say words of comfort but no one really knows me,

But, I don't hold grudges I just laugh at the late attempts,

Hold on to the memories and learn to exempt

Continue writing because this is the way I vent,

Thanks to everyone who reads my nonsense,

Since I don't shed tears, all I can do is sigh,

To let my memories live on I used my words to smile and also cry...