1,2,3,... 4 Including Me

1,2,3,... 4 including me,

Sirens break out, blue and red color the city streets,

A body's been hit on my block, but no one seems to scream,

The block gets hot and the street starts to steam,

Silencer on the gun so how safe does it sound?

A pool of red liquids cover the ground,

I feel my body and I'm searching for a stray,

Bullet that is, guess today isn't my day,

To meet the maker just a taker... Of life,

Liberty no justice but I've witness the trife,

I can't stand because at my feet lays a man,

My mind is shook up and I see some diapers in his hand,

Skin color moves back and forth between dark and light,

His hair is changing and so does his height,

Different images come out and I see my mother in tears,

But that can't be her son because I'm standing right here,

So I look down on the ground and I see the man's frown,

Its too familiar so I look around,

1,2,3,... 4 including me,

But my household is gathered around crying quietly,

But all I can do is look because I was the guy,

On the ground with no sound getting prepared to hear good and then bye,

I still don't want to believe it because as time prevails no one moves the body,

So this look alike's attention has got me,

I always thought I was too young to die,

Had an attitude of too proud to cry,

Try to be too honest to lie,

Now tears and screams stand over a harmless guy,

For some reason I see this as a sign,

No longer blind, but just beyond the line,

Of scrimmage, now I don't want to be obsolete,

Well imagine myself or a look alike covered in blood on the concrete,

Now its being shaken and out of a dream I'm awaken,

An experience so real and its lesson I have taken,

Time's too short to hold grudges and the end you don't know,

No need to fear the unknown, fear not appreciating what you can't let go...

Venting

Here I am, the sad kid hiding behind a smile,

Listening to a world full of dreams and things that seem worth wild,

So many happy stories and yet my words still cry,

Sometimes tears of joy but mostly tears of pain.. sigh

I display mixed feelings hoping it equals out,

So I'm not asked too many questions because I can't stand when friends pout,

I'm placed in a world where everyone around me complains about quantity and quality,

When those things aren't as important, well at least not to me,

I can't even talk to people who claim to be my friends or those around me,

Most of them put up with me for the moment and when its over they don't astound me,

Nor surprise me just prove me right,

My time is up for their presence so of course they're out of sight,

Most of them put up with me because they want what little I have,

Yet they don't know I see this and in the back I am stabbed,

The others just like the laugh they can get,

The smiles and stories that up lift,

It's crazy because the fate of this came to me in a dream,

So in reality I wrote down the things that may seem,

To make this nightmare true, in my face I see the clues,

So here I am writing a poem as if it were the blues,

Some people may feel offended, so I know what will happen next,

They'll leave a comment, or try to send a text,

I will get new messages and If I log onto the chat,

They will be waiting to explain, to bad I can predict that,

Don't get me started on some of my family,

Half of them never speak and can't stand me,

I graduated valedictorian from high school and got a pat on the back,

While cousins got parties for coming home for jail, but I never did that,

I've never been convicted yet I'm frowned upon,

First of generations to make it to college but life goes on,

So many smiles in my face but behind me there's hate,

Here come the apologies and excuses but I'm afraid its too late,

Come to think about it I have a reason to be mad,

One of the people to give me life missed out on it, yup my dad,

Slept through my high school graduation, well most of my life,

So I hold my pride on my shoulder so I can keep things in sight,

I bet he doesn't know I remember the only four times I've asked for something,

Its all in the open by the way child support did nothing,

I can say you did teach me how to be a good dad,

I just took a mental note on the things you didn't do, and memories we never had,

But I'm content with the way things are,

I laugh a lot more every time I speak of the scar,

The scar of not having certain people around,

The times I had to pick myself up when my mind has hit the ground,

I guess Joan missing in my life is kind of getting to me,

So thankful God is keeping Tonya in me life and she's sitting with me,

Veronica has my back like a second mother,

So her tat will go on my back to show I love her,

Friends may be deleted, some may stay to be nosey,

Family say words of comfort but no one really knows me,

But, I don't hold grudges I just laugh at the late attempts,

Hold on to the memories and learn to exempt

Continue writing because this is the way I vent,

Thanks to everyone who reads my nonsense,

Since I don't shed tears, all I can do is sigh,

To let my memories live on I used my words to smile and also cry...

Thoughts Before I Propose

I can't explain it, well I can,

Too many words to write down with a pen,

No longer afraid to be heart broken,

My heart was a machine and her love was its slot token,

She's activated me, with her love as the key,

I can be the man that she seeks,

Be the man that she keeps,

And be the man she wants and needs,

Show her, her true beauty,

No need to lie because its easy to view, see,

Her personality out weighs her beautiful face,

Leaving astonishment and a glow to every place,

That she's in, or has been taken by,

She's an automatic win every time she say's hi,

Inhaling excellence, exhaling something just short of perfection,

Leaving no thoughts for another selection,

Her mind is ideal, insinuating all thoughts of greatness,

Intelligence with a sense of humor I don't know how to take this,

Head over heals and willing to give one knee to the ground,

I'm just listening to my heart and her name's the beating sound,

Her mouth just glows a smile, one in return her lips command it,

So I'm under her control and I don't want to withstand it,

I'm just lost in her love, I guess my heart is just stranded,

Proving love can be given but at the same time demanded,

I want to fall so deep in love with her,

That our souls align with one another,

That our thoughts are done simultaneously,

Leaving no way for happiness to leave,

When sad times come about, we won't feel short and stout,

But we'll just use it to make the joy of us outweigh it out,

No balance between the good and the bad,

Just the reaching of Cloud 9 and our names they can add,

To the list, I can't say I remember feeling like this,

Many great moments, but not like this beautiful bliss,

I'm willing to freeze over in the North Atlantic like jack from Titanic,

Waiting for her love to take over, no need to panic,

I'm definitely with this decision, she's who I adore,

She has my mind battling my soul, and my heart ready for war,

Wow... I guess it's all in the open leaving me exposed,

At least my mind was on the right path before I proposed...