Trying to Understand

Anticipations got my mind racing,
Creating hesitations and got my heart pacing.
Changing gears within this addiction chasing,
Leaving no time for thought tracing.

Decisions are done without thinking,
Made moves to fast for blinking,
Got me on a pride ship that’s sinking,
Now my heart is in this without the drinking.

Real feelings generate growing emotions,
Immediately I’m compiling thoughts of greater devotions.
Life after the last dance and the formed notions,
And thanks to Cupid since I was the one chosen.

Existing without consideration to believe,
Penetrating and left me just enough time to receive.
Bequeathed love lacking obligation to retrieve,
In hopes to deliver so I won’t deceive.

So I picture her as success,
When she’s around she’s the one I want to impress.
Enrolled in the school of love to become the best,
Leaving her nothing but smiles and never settling for less.

Almost there so I know I will make it.
Feelings are too far in rage to fake it.
Hoping it will happen so my photographic memory can take it,
But it came to an end to fast to before she gave it.

Now I sit alone trying to understand,
What makes me so different from this other man?
He pretends love and rejects you hand,
While I step up with hopes to include you in my life plan.

Although I’m entertained by the chase,
I want to consume your love from just that small taste.
Rejection I’ve prepared for such a case,
Cause in the game of love there’s really no time to waste.

Time and stupid decisions set us apart,
The first chance I had I should’ve been smart.
Now I stand here holding my heart,
While watching your ride without me take its depart.

Empty

I closed my eyes to take a look inside myself,

Only to see the trap tears I would use to cry out for help.

Leaving my body to act out in stealth,

Wondering why I couldn’t be born into wealth.

I mean maybe there’s still a chance my love can be bought,

Or a better understanding of me can be taught.

Changing my own perspective of myself from my thoughts,

And then just maybe I can be made out for sought.

Surrounded by others at times but still I feel alone,

Feeling like I’m only excepted if somebody thinks I’m worth being owned.

Every now and then someone might call my phone,

But still to world I’m unknown.

So out comes another thought of mine,

But maybe I’m wasting time to shine.

My internal light is becoming dull unfortunate of mine,

Well I or me, and still I add to the list online.

Many moments past when I’m feeling forgotten,

And inside this race I feel like stopping.

My pride is shot but never rotten,

So I stand strong so I’m not weak like cotton.

So I look inside myself again,

Hoping that one day when I’m out I don’t have to pretend.

Until then I hold my pride close as if it was my friend,

Maybe my emptiness will fill up before the end.