Rough cut of Confessions of a man

Mystery In Desquise

My eyes are wide open,

Capturing all the colors and still notions,

My greater intentions are still for greater devotions,

But they've become spread out in this world shaped ocean.

So I close my eyes to see what happens next,

Is there something greater, is this just a test,

I think this is right or at least I feel it in my chest,

Never mind that was the vibration of my phone, I just got a text,

Or at least I thought it was my phone,

But I look at it to see that it’s on loud to express a tone,

Feeling so confused so I need to roam,

And clear my head of the message that is not shown.

A mystery in disguise, I look up in the sky,

Aligned stars show a direction in which I should try,

To distraught from my feelings inside,

But I still follow this universal guide.

Contemplating all alone, looking for this place,

If only I knew where I was going O the decisions I'd make,

Satisfaction or demise I don't know if I can take,

Another disappointment, WHERE is this place I tend to race,

To, giving me these fanatical contemplations,

Hopefully it’s an escort to some greater creation,

Full of satisfaction and no misinterpretation,

Still I’m full of dedication to this unknown destination.

Patiently waiting, this path I’m still pacing,

Tasting the sweet air of what I thought I was tracing,

Dreaming too big for this implication I’m chasing,

That I forgot I wasn’t keeping track of the time I was wasting,

So I take a break from the race for a chance to blink,

Maybe this path wasn’t for me maybe its some thoughts from a drink,

But I look further along the path and I see something pink,

It was just an image of my inside telling me always to think.

Trying to Understand

Anticipations got my mind racing,
Creating hesitations and got my heart pacing.
Changing gears within this addiction chasing,
Leaving no time for thought tracing.

Decisions are done without thinking,
Made moves to fast for blinking,
Got me on a pride ship that’s sinking,
Now my heart is in this without the drinking.

Real feelings generate growing emotions,
Immediately I’m compiling thoughts of greater devotions.
Life after the last dance and the formed notions,
And thanks to Cupid since I was the one chosen.

Existing without consideration to believe,
Penetrating and left me just enough time to receive.
Bequeathed love lacking obligation to retrieve,
In hopes to deliver so I won’t deceive.

So I picture her as success,
When she’s around she’s the one I want to impress.
Enrolled in the school of love to become the best,
Leaving her nothing but smiles and never settling for less.

Almost there so I know I will make it.
Feelings are too far in rage to fake it.
Hoping it will happen so my photographic memory can take it,
But it came to an end to fast to before she gave it.

Now I sit alone trying to understand,
What makes me so different from this other man?
He pretends love and rejects you hand,
While I step up with hopes to include you in my life plan.

Although I’m entertained by the chase,
I want to consume your love from just that small taste.
Rejection I’ve prepared for such a case,
Cause in the game of love there’s really no time to waste.

Time and stupid decisions set us apart,
The first chance I had I should’ve been smart.
Now I stand here holding my heart,
While watching your ride without me take its depart.

Empty

I closed my eyes to take a look inside myself,

Only to see the trap tears I would use to cry out for help.

Leaving my body to act out in stealth,

Wondering why I couldn’t be born into wealth.

I mean maybe there’s still a chance my love can be bought,

Or a better understanding of me can be taught.

Changing my own perspective of myself from my thoughts,

And then just maybe I can be made out for sought.

Surrounded by others at times but still I feel alone,

Feeling like I’m only excepted if somebody thinks I’m worth being owned.

Every now and then someone might call my phone,

But still to world I’m unknown.

So out comes another thought of mine,

But maybe I’m wasting time to shine.

My internal light is becoming dull unfortunate of mine,

Well I or me, and still I add to the list online.

Many moments past when I’m feeling forgotten,

And inside this race I feel like stopping.

My pride is shot but never rotten,

So I stand strong so I’m not weak like cotton.

So I look inside myself again,

Hoping that one day when I’m out I don’t have to pretend.

Until then I hold my pride close as if it was my friend,

Maybe my emptiness will fill up before the end.

A Winter Wonderland

Soft fluffy flakes, trap me so I can't escape,
Or venture into the world that seems to be so great.
A white blanket lays outside my window,
Leaving not a trace of another color to glow.

Silently taking over, while mishaps occurs over my shoulder,
Only growing stranger as I get older.
Emergency closing tries to make me smile,
But now it only makes me worry since I'm not a child.

Why so severe of something so clear,
Well white but it shouldn't bring no fear.
Its not BLACK and thats a fact,
Darkness was the trap, now theres no color for that.

And yet so effortlessly as we can see,
We've been thrown inside to watch the WHITE surround thee.
Freezing water, stopping electricity, and hurting everything in its vicinity,
But at the same time it works magnificently.

To cause destruction and corruption, and a mental abduction,
Changing our facial expressions and the topic of discussion.
Wow its crazy... i wish they could talk,
With so much influence I wish they could walk

Say words about the places where they land,
Or discuss topics of importance, I'm just sayin.
I wish everyone would talk about WORLD HUNGER the same way,
OR World Peace, or war in the middle East. or the next football game play.

Shaking my head at our ignorance,
But I wanna scream out words of belligerence.
Let it snow... tru tru I'm wit it
Well thats all for now i gotta go shovel this ish...

Intake On Hip Hop

I'm not the one to bring hip hop back,
I'm just trying to shoot a lyrical bullet at that BS called rap.
Cuz rappers these days worried about who in the lac'
Or the next to be seen on the scene gettin smacks.

I try to tell these fake role models its bigger than that,
But they only worried about the groupies who sit on their lap.
While their kids dying in wars cuz they trying to trap,
After watching their stupid ass make a movie bout crack.

Man society is dying and its needing to breathe
Its kids around the world just waiting to leave.
Cuz they can't eat, can't sleep, or have a deadly disease,
While we smoke up the ozone by smoking this weed.

No one cares about the future so we smoke more trees,
Cut them down, roll it up, lands become concrete.
Lil girls give up dreams to become video v's
While fathers give up roles cuz they scared to be seen

Shit is crazy out her man this shit is obscene,
No one cares about the world including Martin's dream.
I mean Martin Luther King Jr. man thats what I mean.
Confusing freedom with privileges cuz we ain't free.

Psychologically they got us and got into our minds
Chasing paper that they give us and its wasting our time
Knowledge is the key and the way that we get on our grind
Trying to get the knowledge like Einstein and thats how I shine

Young up coming artist so i'm still in my prime
But if you thing i'm a change my style then i'd rather do crime
Not trying to be a lying artist or shot 9 times
Or a fake gang member to make calls in my rhymes

Don't think i'ma change my voice, thanks jay for D.O.A.
Cuz I'm starting to really wonder about Hip Hop today
I used to love her like Common til I heard her say
Money over bitches, why it gotta be this way?

Sunny days let acid rains wash them away
To be in prison is the only way black men will pray
Cuz they rather hug the block wit their man's today
And say that's the only way to get the rent money to pay

Welfare doing too much, some say it ain't enough
Made them give up on themselves thats why they living so rough
Fast girls give up love cuz they trapped in a forever lust
Or they got an unwanted touch and falling in love is too much

And the man on the corner said his life was too tough
Chasing money, chasing skirts got hard so he gave it up
But what he didn't tell me that he was going nuts
Cuz he sold to his own people cuz he ain't give a fuck

But thats the city life but that shit is whack
To let a junkie sell his soul to get high off of crack
Or to let his family cry and suffer like that
Cuz once you start doing crack, man that time don't come back

But thats with anything so i use my time wisely
And I know I gotta do good cuz somebody behind me
And my people set my expectations so great and so highly
That taking a trip to the sun is the only way to get by me!!!!!!!!!!

Pain In My Life

Confusion of oppression, society got me guessing,
Why bother continuing this quest towards a mental depression.
Or maybe its a blessing, more like a mental lesson,
Is there something greater out there for me is my real question?

Poverty, starvation, and years and years of hatred,
Sight of falling soldiers, made me think that I won't make it.
Especially today kid, because I'm not the greatest,
Or afraid to speak his mind and the critiques can't take it.

My origin I can't trace it, the darkness I can't shake it,
Theres somethings that exist that I'm not ready to face it.
I'm just keeping it blatant, on ant type of occassion,
African descent or maybe thats just my liaison.

Not knowing my full strengths so I just stay to myself,
Hoping I will find out soon so I can lend a hand just to help.
Move on from the from the past hardships that I felt,
And play out my life of cards you know the hand that I was dealt.