Suicide Note

It's time to say good and bye together,
I remember my urge to get her,
Success I mean, along with a wife,
But things change and so did my life,

I fell so hard for something that made me delve deeper,
I made it to the surface too late and couldn't keep her,
I couldn't even reach her, she created a teacher,
Now I'm practicing my thoughts but I'm no preacher,

I loss the battle but I won the war,
I explored another heart and enjoyed the tour,
Now I have the ability to speak to someone's soul,
But my feelings I have problems trying to control,

See I was falling for her but I wouldn't let it show,
I told her I loved her but I didn't let her know,
How she changed me and almost made me,
The man I am today after too many years of slavery,

Psychologically and physically,
Now I suffer from the love of success and wait for her to get to me,
Trying not to let the stress show and play it cool,
But pride is the reason I'm not in school,

So I have to pull the trigger, spray blood over an adolescent picture,
Give to the world this last and final scripture,
Create a better me with the remains,
Learn from my heartaches and strains,

Prove that suicide isn't selfish if you're thinking selfless,
Remind the world of sacrifice since the world is a great mess,
Prepare for no one to attend a funeral that wasn't told,
Take my last few moments to get warm before I get cold,

Then I will bow down and pray,
Listen to God's message for the day.
So I give to you the suicide note to the old me,
Now I'm one step closer to letting my soul free.

Waiting(Effortless Time)

The gloss in your eyes tells it all,
Your mind tries to explain to your heart why it shouldn't fall,
Short with words but your picture tells a long story,
You're repeatedly reminded of what was once called glory,

So you stare in hopes that your spell is taken away,
But thoughts of the unknown makes it hard to believe things could be okay,
All I can do is wait,
I have my own cooking skills but enough is on your plate,

I let you digest your stress hoping I can still invest,
But I can't think about me since I need to relieve the inflammation in your chest,
I need to find out how to put your heart where it belongs,
Balance out your rights with his wrongs,

So I stand behind you and I let you fight this war,
And if you fall I'm here to catch you and tend to what's sore,
Heal your wounds, bring out your smile,
Relax my feelings since I know this may take awhile,

Give you some space but I'm only one call away,
Remind you of your beauty so your dignity can stay,
Console you and hold you until your heart has dropped it's last tear,
Take no credit for my actions, but I'll remind you that I'm here,

What I do is effortless like time,
I can't control it but it happens so let's say that I'm,
Doing the inevitable because you deserve it,
Like my job I make the time to cook it and serve it,

Meaning I prepare and cook what's needed to make you happy,
So I can serve you joy just so I can see your laugh, see,
When I see the pain in your frame, I think its a shame,
That beauty captured in something under 5'6 won't wear their name,

Too busy allowing sorrow to keep you down,
When your beauty uplifts others, so you should share the sound,
Of laughter and joy,
So I lay waiting for you like a child for a new toy,

Keeping hope, so I'm I'm only allowing positive energy to display,
And I'll do this effortlessly like time just so your smile can stay,
Since I see that your worth it and I want only for the better,
For you so if you must depend on your mood with the weather,

Let the rain make beautiful music on your window pane,
Cry with the clouds if you have to just stay sane,
But when the sun comes back out to stay there's no debating,
That your smile should be shining and I'll still be waiting.

I Shouldn't Have Let You Kiss Me

I must say this was a great night,
My emotions took flight, letting your smile shine too bright,
I watched the sunset in your eyes like you were the one,
We laughed a lot so it must have been fun,

I carried you on my back, we held hands,
We sat by the water and made plans,
But I should've stopped you then,
But we continued talking and I let resistance begin,

Your lips kept my attention, when ours met and when you talked,
So at ease beside you that I felt like I could glide instead of walk,
Our souls were engulfed, while our hearts were entertained,
But as friends I knew we should remain,

Too into the moment to push you away,
The memories of lonely nights got to me so I asked to stay,
I wanted to just hold you through the night, with no need for sex,
Without a care of what would happen next,

So you grow closer to me and now I can't control the feeling,
Of wanting you to fall for me although I look towards the ceiling,
Meaning I wouldn't watch you fall but I knew you would,
I lay trying to get away since I should,

Well, I shouldn't have let you kiss me,
I should have stopped you and let you diss me,
So you wouldn't have gotten hurt and I wouldn't have waited so long,
Now I'm sitting here ready to perform for you without a song,

Still words from the heart but the ones you don't want to hear,
The ones to create distance, so I hug you while you're still near,
I kiss you on the cheek and you feel the resistance when you turn your face,
To meet my lips so a happier moment I begin to trace,

But putting off the truth this long has me hating myself,
Like I'm back stabbing both of as I place my heart on a shelf,
So while your heart is beating to a love song,
My heart isn't in the equation so I refuse to do you wrong,

Damn, I shouldn't have let you kiss me,
I should've pushed you away and let you diss me,
Now I wish I could be alone and you won't miss me,
Hopefully I will learn from this and I won't be so risky...

To: __(insert your name here)__

In the mix of creating a great memory,
Trying to change the relationship of a friend of me,
Well a friend of mine, waiting for the moment,
That time seems to be valuable and hers she will loan it,
I'm hoping she gives me the time of the day,
With the time of the night here patiently I lay,
Contemplating the seconds, minutes, and hours,
That we plan parties and possibly showers,
But then I come back to reality where I'm falling for you,
So I grab my phone, no text, because I'm calling for you,
Then I grow silent over the phone unless its to console,
In person I just look into your eyes and let my soul take control,
Of my words, since my mind is thinking of your last kiss,
And my heart has memories of all the times I would miss,
You, angelic being definitely from the divine,
I have thoughts to make you mine, still to shy, so I just watch you shine,
I'm growing blind,
Because now I don't see you for your physical appearance,
I see to your soul, feel the touch of your heart, and I ignore any interference,
Between us,
I wrote this for the future hoping that in due time you would read,
The two lines after this, with hopes that you believed,
I'm ready to sign the contract that will promise to keep you near,
And all I ask is that you insert your name right there...

To:___(the woman of my dreams)___
From: A Guy Named Trez

Untitled

I'm over due,
For a tear drop or two,
I feel the emotions bubble so I wait for the eruption,

It's all clear now,
A dream I've had,
Has made my vision cloudy and has no room for interruption,

When did this happen?
Where was my warning?
Why is there no one to just give me what I need?

But what do I want?
And was there someone trying?
Of course there was but I was too naive just trying to succeed,

Now I'm all alone,
With a temporary win,
But the memories come back and trap me,

So I had a lead,
But I loss in the end,
Day to day working so have bills pimp and slap me,

So ready to give up,
But I look in my corner,
I have a few but not as many as the corners I stand in,

So I have to step away,
Leave some people be,
Since there's no real point in demanding,

What's supposed to be,
Or what I want,
Or what I think I should get and deserve,

Feeling like a wounded angel,
Failure is my reflection,
So I fade into the background, sit back and observe,

I smile like a champ,
But I feel the pain of a loser,
But I just have to let something go and not grow,

Since a tear won't fall,
I give a drip for the road,
I just bleed my heart in my rhymes to let my feelings show...

Why I See You As Just A Friend

Here comes the moment I've been trying to avoid,
The offer is on the table with the list of times we've enjoyed,
Or a reason for the offer but I wonder why bother,
Then you release what's bottled in and I'm like damn I caught her,

By the heart, but I'm just trying to be her friend,
Now I wish I had equal feelings or reasons we should end,
The feelings being grown for me, that seem to be done easily,
Like watching something so fragile be born for me,

Don't get me wrong, I want to give you the world because you deserve it,
I want to cater to your fruit, if you're a blackberry then I'll curve it,
Since you're worth it but, I'm not capable of giving you everything you need,
I can count my flaws that makes it hard for us to succeed,

Crazy thing is I want to try, but my failure shouldn't be apart of your story,
At the end of the day, overcoming your obstacles with me won't make up your glory,
I'm not perfect but compared to the ones before me I can be,
But I just work the strengths of my flaws within me,

I sit hoping to do you right but I want to avoid the moment,
Just for now since time is so expensive and no one can loan it,
So now I'm falling just like I did before,
For my own trick so I feel sick and you just want for more,

Then you think I'm selfish although I'm feeling selfless,
With the intent of your heart so I can't help this,
Well help to be honest and you think I'm running game,
Just another player, trying to pimp and I'm just the same,

As the others, but no need to argue against you, I just show how I differ,
Since I know what you been through, I take my hat off to tip you, and show respect much quicker,
Competition doesn't exist for real but you think if you create it, things will change,
Yeah they will but it will only make things strange,

Well awkward, like I said I fell for this before,
So I try to be honest since I know what's in store,
At least I think I know,
Here's a confession I'm really just afraid for love to grow,
Blessed with a kind heart that's fragile I guess that's why my feelings show.

So I can never completely dismiss love, or control it,
So I try to avoid it so I won't have to console it,
Again, I'm having no problems with not wanting to pretend,
But until I'm ready to take the chance, don't take offense if I say I look at you as just a friend...

P.S. (Dear Woman 2)

Best wishes from,
A Poet Named Trez


P.S.

I still sit and think of your pain,
I think of how my generation and the one before has left you in vein,
I watch your guard around your heart go up and down,
I wish to flood your vision with happiness to drown out your frown,

Watching from a distance, afraid to pursue with persistence,
Trying to read you correctly but falling short with resistance,
From your heart and your mind, I wish to seek over time,
All at once but with patience, so you can say that I'm,

In it for the win, with no need to pretend,
The battle you live in becomes my problem so I'm forced to depend,
On myself to guarantee you are reminded of your worth,
From the blood drips and heartaches that leave you hurt,

So that you can continue living, so I show that you are more,
Than anything that makes you feel less worthy and I remind you what's in store,
Happiness, and I'm just hoping you seek it,
I hope it comes into one's eyesight so you can reach and keep it,

Let that moment last for life, yet with the blessings of God,
Hoping he shields you from getting your heart robbed,
From that person who is acting out the wrong that they have been taught,
The one who's mind is damaged and feelings are caught,

Up, and they can only justify their thoughts by acting out,
So I'll stand up to the challenge of protecting you without a doubt,
Because I know that you're just short of perfect, so you have to be worth it,
Holding the power to change the world, with time you can birth it,

Well give birth to, a seed to plant into the Earth that could be positive or negative,
That's your only flaw, not knowing what to the Earth you may give,
And Woman, you wake up with your intentions just to please,
Your first thoughts are kind and seem to be done with ease,

Until some one decides to hurt you, physically or mentally,
But please don't change your ways because of something not meant for thee,
Well you, just a lesson that could have been avoided or simply told,
Don't let one person leave you with regret forcing, you to become cold,

So I say to you keep your warmth and continue fighting,
Don't let them get the best of you, stay exiting,
Keep your smile shining, it will pay off I assure you,
Chivalry didn't die in generations, it just wasn't taught to the last two!