Good and then Bye

Two words I hate saying, to a friend, to my family,

To a lover,to a stranger, even an enemy,

Just the thought of the two together brings pain,

An eerie feeling that I will not proclaim,

I'll shed tears before I say these two words to someone,

My pride will collapse, and self hate will win this one,

I'll vent my entire heart to the world before putting together the words,

The subject of this dismissal will never see my verbs,

Even after four years one month, and 8 days,

7 hours 29 mins she still hasn't heard me say,

GOOD and then BYE together,

She holds a space on my arm where she'll live forever,

To prevent saying the same to my mother,

Her name goes on the center of my chest to hold me, however,

My love for her is a never ending fire,

So a spontaneous combustion may occur if I have to become mire,

Meaning she is the divide that brings tears and high pride,

So much love for her that I can't hide,

That's why I couldn't see me saying the two,

No need to give everything up I won't subdue,

Because once you put together GOOD and then BYE,

The memories fade away leaving tears to cry,

Or if they don't leave, they become blurry,

Making emotions hard to control leaving extra furry,

Writing this my eyes are watering but nothing falls,

Confessions in between but i won't reveal it all,

Just enough to finish my story and walk away,

Mature a bit day by day,

No matter the circumstances,

I thank God for the many chances,

I haven't had to put the two words together,

So I'll say so long and see you later, that sounds better.

1,2,3,... 4 Including Me

1,2,3,... 4 including me,

Sirens break out, blue and red color the city streets,

A body's been hit on my block, but no one seems to scream,

The block gets hot and the street starts to steam,

Silencer on the gun so how safe does it sound?

A pool of red liquids cover the ground,

I feel my body and I'm searching for a stray,

Bullet that is, guess today isn't my day,

To meet the maker just a taker... Of life,

Liberty no justice but I've witness the trife,

I can't stand because at my feet lays a man,

My mind is shook up and I see some diapers in his hand,

Skin color moves back and forth between dark and light,

His hair is changing and so does his height,

Different images come out and I see my mother in tears,

But that can't be her son because I'm standing right here,

So I look down on the ground and I see the man's frown,

Its too familiar so I look around,

1,2,3,... 4 including me,

But my household is gathered around crying quietly,

But all I can do is look because I was the guy,

On the ground with no sound getting prepared to hear good and then bye,

I still don't want to believe it because as time prevails no one moves the body,

So this look alike's attention has got me,

I always thought I was too young to die,

Had an attitude of too proud to cry,

Try to be too honest to lie,

Now tears and screams stand over a harmless guy,

For some reason I see this as a sign,

No longer blind, but just beyond the line,

Of scrimmage, now I don't want to be obsolete,

Well imagine myself or a look alike covered in blood on the concrete,

Now its being shaken and out of a dream I'm awaken,

An experience so real and its lesson I have taken,

Time's too short to hold grudges and the end you don't know,

No need to fear the unknown, fear not appreciating what you can't let go...

Venting

Here I am, the sad kid hiding behind a smile,

Listening to a world full of dreams and things that seem worth wild,

So many happy stories and yet my words still cry,

Sometimes tears of joy but mostly tears of pain.. sigh

I display mixed feelings hoping it equals out,

So I'm not asked too many questions because I can't stand when friends pout,

I'm placed in a world where everyone around me complains about quantity and quality,

When those things aren't as important, well at least not to me,

I can't even talk to people who claim to be my friends or those around me,

Most of them put up with me for the moment and when its over they don't astound me,

Nor surprise me just prove me right,

My time is up for their presence so of course they're out of sight,

Most of them put up with me because they want what little I have,

Yet they don't know I see this and in the back I am stabbed,

The others just like the laugh they can get,

The smiles and stories that up lift,

It's crazy because the fate of this came to me in a dream,

So in reality I wrote down the things that may seem,

To make this nightmare true, in my face I see the clues,

So here I am writing a poem as if it were the blues,

Some people may feel offended, so I know what will happen next,

They'll leave a comment, or try to send a text,

I will get new messages and If I log onto the chat,

They will be waiting to explain, to bad I can predict that,

Don't get me started on some of my family,

Half of them never speak and can't stand me,

I graduated valedictorian from high school and got a pat on the back,

While cousins got parties for coming home for jail, but I never did that,

I've never been convicted yet I'm frowned upon,

First of generations to make it to college but life goes on,

So many smiles in my face but behind me there's hate,

Here come the apologies and excuses but I'm afraid its too late,

Come to think about it I have a reason to be mad,

One of the people to give me life missed out on it, yup my dad,

Slept through my high school graduation, well most of my life,

So I hold my pride on my shoulder so I can keep things in sight,

I bet he doesn't know I remember the only four times I've asked for something,

Its all in the open by the way child support did nothing,

I can say you did teach me how to be a good dad,

I just took a mental note on the things you didn't do, and memories we never had,

But I'm content with the way things are,

I laugh a lot more every time I speak of the scar,

The scar of not having certain people around,

The times I had to pick myself up when my mind has hit the ground,

I guess Joan missing in my life is kind of getting to me,

So thankful God is keeping Tonya in me life and she's sitting with me,

Veronica has my back like a second mother,

So her tat will go on my back to show I love her,

Friends may be deleted, some may stay to be nosey,

Family say words of comfort but no one really knows me,

But, I don't hold grudges I just laugh at the late attempts,

Hold on to the memories and learn to exempt

Continue writing because this is the way I vent,

Thanks to everyone who reads my nonsense,

Since I don't shed tears, all I can do is sigh,

To let my memories live on I used my words to smile and also cry...

Thoughts Before I Propose

I can't explain it, well I can,

Too many words to write down with a pen,

No longer afraid to be heart broken,

My heart was a machine and her love was its slot token,

She's activated me, with her love as the key,

I can be the man that she seeks,

Be the man that she keeps,

And be the man she wants and needs,

Show her, her true beauty,

No need to lie because its easy to view, see,

Her personality out weighs her beautiful face,

Leaving astonishment and a glow to every place,

That she's in, or has been taken by,

She's an automatic win every time she say's hi,

Inhaling excellence, exhaling something just short of perfection,

Leaving no thoughts for another selection,

Her mind is ideal, insinuating all thoughts of greatness,

Intelligence with a sense of humor I don't know how to take this,

Head over heals and willing to give one knee to the ground,

I'm just listening to my heart and her name's the beating sound,

Her mouth just glows a smile, one in return her lips command it,

So I'm under her control and I don't want to withstand it,

I'm just lost in her love, I guess my heart is just stranded,

Proving love can be given but at the same time demanded,

I want to fall so deep in love with her,

That our souls align with one another,

That our thoughts are done simultaneously,

Leaving no way for happiness to leave,

When sad times come about, we won't feel short and stout,

But we'll just use it to make the joy of us outweigh it out,

No balance between the good and the bad,

Just the reaching of Cloud 9 and our names they can add,

To the list, I can't say I remember feeling like this,

Many great moments, but not like this beautiful bliss,

I'm willing to freeze over in the North Atlantic like jack from Titanic,

Waiting for her love to take over, no need to panic,

I'm definitely with this decision, she's who I adore,

She has my mind battling my soul, and my heart ready for war,

Wow... I guess it's all in the open leaving me exposed,

At least my mind was on the right path before I proposed...

Running...

As she inhales deep breathes, she exhales the stress,

Hoping that her misfortunes with wasted time lead to happiness,

Confused with love and not wanting to be alone,

She's trapped between her thoughts and messages from her phone,

Seeking guidance she talks to a friend or two,

Advice is heard but there's nothing they can do,

Family pitches in but she doesn't know where to start,

She just wants to be free without the broken heart,

From a situation that wasn't supposed to happen,

One moment it was pure love, then trust made its reaction,

Her past seems to always be a factor in his mind,

But he didn't seem to notice or care that she began to lose her shine,

Because of him, seeking his approval she began to change her ways,

Her happiness wasn't real and went on for many days,

Weeks, and months, it was a sad thing to see,

For her changes to make him happy made him mad easily,

Overlooking how she did everything around his wishes,

Took on the disrespect and repeated calls of Bitches,

He began to only look at her through the memories of her past,

So of course she realized they wouldn't last,

And in turn she ran away,

Without looking back she took off without a trace,

She took off to fast to let him know the results of his hate,

She took off to fast to let him know her actual fate,

Gone in the wind, she's running,

Quick like lightening but the opposite sound of the thundering,

For ever raining through her eyes, Mary Kay leaves tracks,

Her body is still changing I guess its time to trace back,

To what was going on, and what was untold,

Inside she was dying, leaving no time to get old,

Stress sped up the process, lost love messed up her rest,

Trying to find a cure too late took away her best,

Until finally, she ran in the right direction,

She met someone new and worth the selection,

Someone worth her attention and time spending

Her faith had returned and led on a fairy tale ending,

For now she began to glow and shine,

He existed in flesh and lived in her mind,

She began to get better, sunny days took over her weather,

Forecast, now her smile breeds pleasure,

So happy for my friend her running has finally came to an end,

I hope he stays true to her and doesn't pretend,

For if someone has her running again, I will have to go,

No longer will she run alone I will have to follow...

The Letter

Dear Who It May Concern,

I’m trapped in this 186lb cage,

My mind wants to be free but is overcome with rage,

Temptation gets me almost every time,

I can only be factored by myself and One so I must be prime,

Too deep of a notion to be caught up on my emotions,

But nonetheless I want greater devotions,

So I have “Greater Intentions”,

But I’m doomed by the “Fear of Falling In Love”,

And confused because it’s pure like the white on a dove,

Attracted by “Suicide Girls” but I don’t see it,

Until we grow closer then I don’t want to believe it,

I feel so “Empty”,

That those who want to befriend me don’t call my phone,

Because like myself they “Fear the Unknown”

Sometimes when I wake up I just wish to see “A Winter Wonderland”

But the “Pain In My Life”, destroys its existence, so I don’t give a damn,

Then I’m recollected,

Because “Thoughts When She Crosses My Mind” remind me,

That when I look into her eyes I know “Where I Wanna Be”

I’m no longer “Trying to Understand”,

I just reach out for her hand,

Hoping I can run away with my feelings,

But as a man that shouldn’t be appealing,

So I “Break Down”, because I know my “Mission: Happiness”,

I look for nothing more or nothing less,

I’m over being “Love Sick” so I’m back to my regular tone,

And I speak to the world with “My Rosetta Stone”,

If you haven’t picked up on it yet,

Everything quoted is no ordinary text,

It’s a title of a poem I wrote,

That you may have read at least I hope,

So of course I had to go through a “Self Destruction,

No longer am I “A Mystery In Disguise”, or only about seduction,

For I too want to experience a dream come true,

Not only with falling in love, but “Polishing a Memory” too!

Sincerely,

Mr. Williams

If My Future Had A Child...

One thing that I want to avoid but it may be inevitable in the future... and that's being a father!

Wow, who would've guessed I would have a child on the way,

After all the times of rejection, now one's here to stay,

If have a daughter,There's so much she will need,

I need her to become all she can be from my seed,

Will I become over protective,

With her friends I'll be too selective,

Watch every boy who offers her a toy,

And question her sadness and her joy,

Step back when she needs it, step up when she wants,

Show her the kind of man she deserves, and never try to front,

When she grows up, I hope she gets respect,

May all guys treat her descent and not select,

Can she live all her years without rape,

Go on a descent date,

Grow up without hate,

May God give her a man who will do her right,

Show her he can fight,

For her love,

Show her she's worth being around,

Give her the everything I can't now,

May God guide her on the right path,

With the equations of life educate her math,

Keep her high off life, keep drugs out her sight,

Her ambition isn't to survive but get to the light,

For I know if she has that drive she will be alright,

Well hopefully, but if not I'm willing to fight,

Unless I have a son...

Well I will still fight but some battles I have stand aside,

I just pray he doesn't have issues overcoming his pride,

I hope I can be around to help raise him I know the time he's worth,

No baby momma drama so me and his mom will marry before his birth,

May things work out for the best,

Even if we split I will spend time with him before I rest,

Dedicate my life to helping his, no need for the distance,

Be a better father than mine, for instance,

If I'm close enough to wipe the tears from his face,

No man will STEP in to take my place,

He's my son so I will teach him what's wrong and what's right,

I'll stand in his corner for every type of fight,

Never turn my back on him, and catch him when he falls,

Look up to my son whether he's short or he's tall,

Because I know with my teachings he will be a better man than me,

And I'll say it proudly so even MY PRIDE can clearly see!